"If you had testosterone you would take over the world..."

Sometimes Mr. Evans and I joke about how my wife (Brandon) is more emotional, generous, empathetic, kind, sweet, gentle, understanding, etc, etc, etc (need I go on???) than I am… and how I am confident, strong-willed, driven, aggressive, frank, logical, bold, etc, etc, etc.

He joked with me today about how if God had taken all of my innate characteristics and added testosterone that I would probably attempt to take over the world by force. And... he is probably right.

What is silly about this is that he said this to me while I was bawling hysterically for no reason at all in his arms. That little excess of estrogen tempers me. And, unfortunately, makes me extremely vulnerable under this façade of confidence. I think Brandon loves these moments because they are few and far between, but they allow him to feel like a dude – taking care of his woman.

And take care of me he did – with a half-gratified smile he patted me on the head – told me it was going to be ok – and asked me if I wanted to take a walk to see if it would make me feel better.

It did. It always does.

Disclosure: what prompted me to write this blog is that I just read someone else’s blog who wrote about women being compelled to be stay-at-home moms… and how exceptionally important it is to the author to be at home with her future (not yet existent) children. She truly yearns for that experience.

In my experience some women are born with the mothering gene (my sister for one) and others have absolutely no interest in being a mother at all (my cousin). It is like the spectrum of creative people. Or, people who are scientifically inclined. Or, people who like the color red. Some can, some can't. Some are, some aren't. Some do, some don't.

When I think about motherhood for myself – I don’t have visions of staying at home. I can honestly say that I never have. I do, however, think about parks and parent-teacher conference and musings about the silly things a child says.

But, is that what motherhood is?

Maybe an adapted form... made to be used by other women just like me. And, it includes nannies or daycare or the neighbors.

Heretofore, my body is not making one of those things anyway… but if it did… Is it worrisome that my lack of some of the “female” characteristics leaves me basically apathetic about taking part in the minutia of motherhood?

Well… if it is worrisome… at least my better half is a better half.